Más | Saph

.. Ughh..

One would think that when you were high, you wouldn't feel as much. Whomever invented that theory clearly hasn't seen Leanna in action, because that girl bruises as easily as a fragile peach when she's in that state of mind. Yet, with all that she's gone through in the past few minutes, dragging and hoisting this girl to safety, this was probably the first time in a long while that she's managed to completely forget about feeling sorry for herself, even if its just for a short period of time, to put her mind, thoughts and efforts into someone else's well being.

A shame, isn't it? For someone to love other humans more than she loves herself.

Through all of this, there hasn't really been a moment where she could have just sat alone and think, but then again, after almost dying again tonight, she still felt a bit restless, which was the complete opposite of what the effects of those drugs were meant to do. She was, however, thankful that the other girl started stirring in her unconscious sleep. Movement was almost a positive sign, no matter what kind of condition they were in- unless they moved too much and started convulsing and shit, that would absolutely, positively, undoubtedly suck.

The pink haired rocker was a bit surprised when her savior started speaking. Her voice sounded shrill and weak, but that's to be expected after what she's gone through. She herself wasn't in any condition to start mouthing words of wisdom either, especially considering how she's the one who started this whole thing. "Secret.. huh..? Sweet name.."

With the exception of the pouring water, the only other sound in the room was Leanna's heavy breathing. She hasn't completely recovered, and she still had some difficulties catching her breath, but once you get her to start talking, she rarely has it in her to stop. "I'm Leanna. Call me.. Lea. Kinda.. like the same.. as that bitch from Star Wars."

She was in no condition to move, and she was more than certain that the other girl wasn't as well- not that there's any qualms with them staying like this. The warm water was actually quite relaxing, in a sense, but not as relaxing as another human company who.. at least in her mind, understood exactly what it was she's going through. Unlike all the others who tried to help, claiming that they had the remedies to her demons.. lying bastards, they all are.

Laying here like this, in spite of the hot water occasionally spraying her on her face, it actually felt quite nice. Of course, she wouldn't be caught dead admitting it, but it felt even better than all the lonely nights she spent wasted in bed. Sure, it might be because she's currently feeling higher than the dude who claimed to be higher than the empire state building, but there was no denying that this was how she genuinely felt. To be with someone who was fucked up almost- if not the same level as she was, it really did make her feel like she's finally found a companion after searching for what seemed like an eternity.

"Huh.. wrestling.. its been ages since I've watched a match. I used to like it a whole lot." Used to. But then again, when you're on the road 300 nights a year, you'd probably be willing to try something new if it was offered to you too, and wrestling was one of those things where one of her bandmates obsessed over. Big, muscular dudes with larger than life personalities, performing their crafts inside the squared circle. To an extent, she was able to understand how grueling that travel schedule was, due to the sudden blowup in popularity that those wrestling shows went through. She herself was the same, actually. With her band's first album, they didn't really receiver that much media attention, but it was their second album that pretty much shoved a rocket up their asses and blew them up skyward. 

"Ain't exactly nice being famous, I can vouch for that." With how she presented that statement, in a mixture of sadness and grimness, her conversational partner would probably be able to figure out her former status. "Still, you don't need a famous name for it to be considered pretty."

Leanna had no idea where that accidental compliment jumped out from, but she did mean it. Plus, when the brunette girl spoke in such a timid way, it was hard to not label it as being 'cute'. "I don't really mind.. I mean.. would be better.. if I could.. light up a smoke, but.. that's fine. You saved me so.. ain't much of an inconvenience.. as I am to you. So I'm.. uh.. I.. ap.. apolo-.. "

"I apologize for that."

Time must have stood still, and the world must have been sucked into a nuclear vortex of implosive impacts, because Leanna just apologized. Never had she ever done that before in her entire life, as she believed that everything happened for a reason, in spite of how bad it may have been, but.. this.. actually happened.

How weird was it that the strangest situations could bring together people from similar walks of life? After her once in a lifetime visit to an old Chinese fortune teller, she's come to understand that not one thing in this world is a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason, and whatever happens is almost certainly inevitable, be it good or bad. Of course, its hard for everyone to accept the outcome if it doesn't go in their favor, but this was definitely one of the times where the pinkette could look back on sometime in the future and actually feel glad that it happened. Well, not the OD, but the meeting with the girl who saved her life. The girl who understood.

The entire scene with the hand was.. strange, in a sense, but that's probably because she has yet to regain a large part of her consciousness. Though it may have taken her quite a while, she started noticing a metallic scent lingering up her nostrils, and with the added blur of red and black patches that lined each knuckle on the girl's hand, it all eventually started to click in her head. Once again, it amazed her so much as to just how similar they were. Even if she's not sure how those wounds got on the girl's hands, she herself had enough scars leftover from the constant pumping of foreign substances into her body, seeing as she couldn't use the same spot twice. 

As a meager attempt to comfort her savior as best as she could, she extended her own hand forward, though clad by leather, and wrapped it around Secret's, giving it a good squeeze of assurance. Whatever path that girl was walking, she's not alone anymore. Whatever path Leanna had walked all along this time, she knew.. she wasn't alone anymore. "Does it.. hurt..?"

"Heh.. cute.." and that would be her only response towards that compliment. This was the first time in a long while that anyone had called her cool, and it really brings back memories of her old days. She was still way too tired to respond in an orderly manner, and with the sprinkle of hot water showering onto them, alongside her having her arms wrapped around another human being, it was hard for her to stay up because of the overwhelming level of comfort.

Only time will tell. Time was, perhaps the most unpredictable element in a person's life. You never know how long you had, and you never know when you're going to head to sleep and just not wake up in the morning, maybe due to some unknown, previously undetected illness that just so happened to take form on that particular moment. For Leanna, she's considered lucky. After countless overdoses and countless accidents from crashing her bike one too many times, she's lost count of how many near death experiences she's had in the past 12 months alone. Maybe this time around, things will finally change for the better. Maybe all this time, companionship was what she needed to rid herself of her addictions and her demons.

Then again, maybe not.

If there was a cure in the world to rid her of all her sins, a cure that would fix all of the problems that she's caused, she still wouldn't take it. What's the use of living a life when you have no enthusiasm, even for the one thing you were always so passionate about? You've seen everything there is to see by traveling the world a couple times, you've performed in the biggest venues across the globe with your then best friends, sold millions upon millions of albums, created a youth movement in the form of a rock subgenre, and you've achieved legendary status as a musician in such a short time. Its not just her enthusiasm in music that's declining, its her interest in life as well.

"Good.. good.." through all those thoughts, she still managed a small smile- the same million dollar smile that made so many males swoon over her, and so many females.. well, essentially doing the same. It was the sort of expression that you'd see on an innocent girl-next-door type of character, yet the grunge rocker pulled it off to its utmost perfection.

That, however, slowly changed into a more emotionless line that's as thin as her current wherewithal after hearing what the brunette had to say. Although it wasn't technically true, she still planned on leaving one way or another if Secret was to fall asleep. Don't get her wrong, she definitely appreciated the brief companionship, however short it may have been  if she were to leave, but she planned on doing so for her own selfish reasons.

She didn't want to befriend anyone, knowing her own fate and where it would lead.

As lonely of a road as she currently walked, she didn't want others to feel sad if she were to perish the very next day. In her mind, it was better for her to be remembered as just another silhouette than a dear friend. "I can't.. promise anything."

Those words hurt. The utter disappointment in the brunette's voice was clearly evident, and who could blame her? For her to be alone for so long before she finally met someone who walked the same road as she did, and just to have it all yanked away in an instant, for that significant other to just.. leave like nothing ever happened, it has to be unbearable.

"There's gotta be stuff.. you still wanna do that you haven't.. and.. there's still a lot of life.. left in you. I don't wanna see it all.. flushed down the toilet. I want you to.. break that fucking toilet.. and show it who the fuck's the boss around here."

"You.. have to. We.. have to.. wake up in the morning. Cause I know we'll make it through this. No matter what." As white of a lie as that may have been, she still wanted to plant a bit of hope into Secret's head. Maybe that girl's words have had an impact on her, and.. just maybe, she wouldn't leave so soon. "You and I.. we're.. like.. the same, you know? And I don't wanna.. if I can help you.. I don't really.. wanna see you die."

Corny words that have probably been replayed in a record player over and over again, yet she hoped that someway, somehow, her interpretation would get through. "There's gotta be stuff.. you still wanna do that you haven't.. and.. there's still a lot of life.. left in you. I don't wanna see it all.. flushed down the toilet. I want you to.. break that fucking toilet.. and show it who the fuck's the boss around here."

Gradually, the pinkette lightly crossed her arms around her companion's shoulders- a failed attempt in offering what was supposed to be a gesture of comfort. In a way, she was replicating what she would have wanted someone to do for her if she were in that same situation. "So show me.. show me why you're strong. Ignore everybody else. We're.. alone here. All you need to do is focus on me."

Encouragement..

Now that's one thing Leanna never would have thought she'd give others. It wasn't so much the idea that's impossible, its the entire concept itself. There were so many things she feels she's tossed aside, and for what? A few hours of feeling numb and painless? As much as it pains her to admit it, she would have given up her entire career for this. Let the media have their cover stories for the week. Let them gossip all about someone they didn't know personally. If they had to walk one mile in her shoes, they'd probably kill themselves because they couldn't handle it.

"Everyone can be nice.. if they put their minds to it, Secret." thus marks the first time she has uttered the girl's name. It would be an utter shame if such a beautiful name isn't mentioned as often as it should be, and with the personality that this girl had, it had to be a match made in heaven, if heaven's existed. "All I know.. is that I won't let you walk alone.. until you find your wings again."

In the crazy, twisted fantasy world that is Leanna's mind, she believes that every single person was born with invisible wings. Through all the hardships and sorrows, those wings either get damaged or completely broken, but in rare cases, some actually turn out stronger and become more durable than others if they manage to get through it. In this prime example of a case, she knows for sure that Secret's wings may be bruised, and just like an injured swallow, once you nurture it back to its full health, it will take to the skies once again. Her own wings, however.. those were long gone. She's come to terms with it a long time ago.

When she felt a reciprocation of her earlier actions, however, it seemed that a spark has been lit, aiming to rekindle a lost flame within the core of her very being. No, it wasn't like those kids shows where they'd just suddenly break out in song and dance, but it was awfully close. Just envision that, except far more depressing. 

"Tears stream, down your face,

When you lose something you cannot replace.

Tears stream down on your face and I~

Lights will guide you home..

And ignite your bones..

And I will try to fix you.."

Though it wasn't her song, which means that she's not responsible for the musical composition and the lyrics that accompanied it, she made it her own. Her voice, when she sang, had a grungy texture to it that separated her from most other artistes out there today. The same grungy texture that would probably make her identity known to anyone who's ever turned on a radio during the grunge-rock era.